Dear Republicans, Your Boyfriend’s a Jerk and You Should Break Up With Him

Dear Republicans,

I really hate to tell you this but your boyfriend, Donald Trump, is a jerk, and you need to break up with him. I know he seemingly showed up out of nowhere riding a white escalator, telling you everything you want to hear, promising to take you away from all your troubles. I know he’s rich and has a sweet ride. But here’s the truth. He’s not a very good boyfriend.

He’s manipulative. He’s dishonest. He’s selfish. Maybe he’s not physically abusive, (I mean not with those tiny hands of his), but he says really mean things, to you and to everyone else.

And I know what you’re going to say. “But he always apologizes when he goes too far.”

Does he? Or does what he say sound a little less like ‘I’m sorry’ and a little more like ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’

But, you don’t know him like I do. You don’t know him in private. In private he’s a big sweetheart.

That’s the problem. How are we supposed to believe there’s any sweetness to him at all when in public he’s hurling insults left and right, ready to pick a fight at the tiniest hint of a slight like some drunken frat boy at a rival kegger. It’s gotten so bad that at this point his boorish behavior has now become the norm, and you’re left pointing to anything that remotely resembles what should actually be standard boyfriend behavior, and you’re touting it as heroic chivalry. “Look! He’s using a teleprompter this time! He really does love me!”

Yes I know you just got engaged. And I know you’re probably still a little giddy from the giant 4-day long RNC party you both threw back at the end of July. But shouldn’t it tell you something that your own dad, Mitt Romney, refused to even show up to your engagement. And neither did John McCain, your great-great-grandfather. I mean he disapproves so much, the only thing probably still keeping that rusty heart ticking is making sure you don’t go through with the wedding.

I know you think your parents “don’t understand you,” that they’re always giving their “expert advice” telling you things you can and can’t do. You may not see it now, but they really do just want what’s best for you. And this abusive and manipulative relationship is not what’s best for you.

Have you noticed how your boyfriend is slowly trying to isolate you and get you to turn on everyone you’ve ever know and loved for any significant amount of time? That’s textbook abusive behavior. Your little brother, Paul Ryan, is only just pretending to tolerate him so your family doesn’t lose you altogether.

Look we’ve all been there. I know I have. We’ve all fallen in love with the idea of someone more than the actual person. We’ve gone to bed with someone only to find out the next morning that the soul-patch-wearing-rebel-crusader we drunkenly let have their way with us, is actually a soul-devouring-vampiric-demagogue that will do and say anything to ensure their own glory. I know it’s embarrassing to have been so wrong. But get over it. You deserve better, and you know it.

Now I know you and I don’t agree on much anymore, ever since we had our falling out several years ago. But I still care about you. And at the very least I respect you as a political party, which is honestly more than I can say about your current boyfriend. Which is why I’m coming to you as genuinely as possible. Donald Trump is a terrible boyfriend. And I think it’s time you break up with him.

Jason Thomas Mayfielddonald

about Doctor Spectacular LIVE!

The Modern Adventures of Doctor Spectacular
A LIVE Radio Play

Coming Soon to The Annoyance Theatre!

I’m super stoked about this.  Doctor Spectacular is a project I started many years ago, long before the days of Doormen. The Award Winning Webseries.. It went through several versions in its inception. Originally I wanted it to be a webseries, but I loved the characters too much to limit them to an <5min format.  So we wrote what we wanted to decided to figure out the next step later.  The result was something amazing, but entirely un-producible.  We have 10, 10min episodes that tell the story of Doctor Spectacular.  Both as stand alone episodes, but also they tell the greater story of their relationship throughout the 10 episodes.  And then we were stuck.  It was too big and too expensive to film on my own.  We thought about animating it. And while I have a couple friends in the animation world, it was too still too big/ and too expensive to have done as a favor.  So we were stuck.  We had this great work, but without some generous backer there was no way it was going to be produced.

Enter the Radio Play.

Imagine a live production of a radio show, on stage with 6 actors voicing over 70+ bizarre characters in a superhero/villain filled universe, a live foley artist creating all the sounds, and a sarcastic narrator, who’s a little over the whole thing.

Of course I’m hoping some big shot producer (IFC, SyFy, Cartoon Neworkork, I’m looking at you guys) finds themselves in the audience and wants to make this happen for real, but until then we’ll have fun being idiots on stage!

The Modern Adventures of Doctor Spectacular: A LIVE Radio Play!
Doctor Spectacular is an evil supervillain, but due to a downturn in the economy the bank foreclosed on his underground volcano lair, and he was forced to take a temp job in an office mailroom in order to get by. Join Doctor Spectacular, Andrew the Zookeeper, and a cast of over 70+ characters in a live Radio Play as Spectacular faces his great nemesis yet… real life…

Previews on Sunday March 6th and March 13th at The Annoyance Theatre as a part of their Triple Feature

More Details on the Preview on facebook here: FACEBOOK


DOORMEN. The Award-Winning Season 1!

Here it is!

Thank you to everyone from those who donated on Kickstarter, to those who volunteered their precious time, and everyone else who’s been involved with making this delicious, odd, funny, comical, bizarre, lovable beast!

Please check it out, and enjoy, and of course subscribe to PJ Party Comedy so you don’t miss an episode!

So… this is funny right?
-Jason’s Mom after watching Doormen.

DOORMEN. The Award-Winning Webseries.

Episode 1 below, The rest of Season 1 is on YouTube HERE!