Jason’s Frustratingly True Rubber Band Theory on Dating and Attraction

or, The Real-Life Example that I’m Going to Keep Purposefully Vague Because I’m 80% the People Involved Might Actually Read This Post…

The Rubber Band Theory.

Imagine two people. For creativity’s sake, we’ll call them Person A and Person B. They may be attracted to each other. They may not.  They may be soon. We’ll see.

Now imagine my fingers each represent one of those two people.

Now put a Rubber Band around them.

That’s how attraction works.

You have no idea how hard it was to take this picture...

You have no idea how hard it was to take this picture…


So here’s what inevitably happens.  Person B pulls away. And because of the rubber band Person A is now drawn with a great force toward Person B.  Likewise, If Person B moves in close to Person A, it gives Person A a huge amount of slack to then pull away.

The End.

It’s amazingly, frustratingly true.

And it happens to me ALL THE TIME!

This happens ALL THE TIME

This happens ALL THE TIME

The Rubber Band Theory.


Again, I’m going to keep this example annoyingly purposely vague because I’m pretty sure either one or both of the people involved in this story will end up reading it at some point. I just hope that enough time has passed that we’re all ok with this… we’ll see…

Several months ago GENERIC UNGENDERED FRIEND (GUF) of mine and I went to a GENERIC UNNAMED EVENT THING, where there may or may not have been lots of LOUDMUSICorDANCINGorPAINTBALL. It was a blast. GUF and I were having a lot of fun.

Especially because I ended up meeting a girl. We’ll call her JESSICA1. She was cute. We started talking. We DANCEDorPAINTBALLEDorSKYDOVE for a little bit. From what I could tell we were really hitting it off. And then as things do at these GENERIC UNNAMED EVENT THINGs we dissolved into talking to other people. And then when I turned back around she was gone.

I went back to my friend, GUF, and I told GUF about her. “I just met this girl,” I said. “I think she said her name is JESSICA1. I couldn’t really hear cause it’s so LOUDorQUIETorAPPROPRIATELY-VOLUMED in here. But now she’s gone.”

“You’ll find her.” GUF said. And we hung out for a bit, listening to the MUSICorSLAMPOETRYorPUN-COMPETITION going on in the background.

Then GUF started talking to a PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX OF GUF, so I backed away a little bit to give GUF some space. And that’s when I bumped into who we’ll call JESSICA2. Who was also very cute.

Then JESSICA2 and I started talking. We hit it off and pretty soon we were DANCINGorKICKBOXINGorPRACTICING-ORIGAMI. And again from what I could tell we were hitting it off. And then before I knew it, GUF (who had left PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX AS GUF that GUF was talking to) and I had joined up with JESSICA2’s group of friends. And were all hanging out together.

So now it’s Me, GUF, JESSICA2 (who I’m now really into, and who I’m pretty sure is into me) hanging out with all of JESSICA2’s friends, having a great time. We’re actually really hitting it off as group. When back from the bathroom comes the last of JESSICA2’s friends, and I look up, and it’s JESSICA1. JESSICA1 then smiles and comes over to me.

So now I’m standing in between JESSICA1 and JESSICA2. Talking to both of them. Both of them being very attractive women. Both of which seem to be into me. And now inside, my brain is now on full PaNiC.  I have no idea what to do! Never before in my life has there been a moment where I was fully aware of more than one woman being attracted to me at the same time. Luckily before my own internal panic causes me to self destruct (as it’s prone to do), JESSICA1 asks me to JUMP-ROPE. (which is actually part of the reason I’m in this situation, I used to JUMP-ROPE a lot in college, one of my degrees is in JUMP-ROPE actually) Anyway, so JESSICA1 and I JUMP-ROPE. Then JESSICA2 and I JUMP-ROPE. And it continues back and forth like that. And the more it continues the more I panic.

Now I understand that this is probably the douchiest, first world problem I could ever complain about.  “Two beautiful women, are both attracted to me, and I don’t know which one to ask out. Life is so hard!”

I get it. I know how that sounds. But please try and understand, I don’t meet a lot of women. Moments like this don’t happen to me. And now I’m faced with a choice??? High School Jason’s circuits just overloaded and shut down.  And yes I have to choose. That night. Because I obviously can’t ask for both of their numbers.  They’re friends.  And whoever I ask out, that immediately makes the other one off-limits. Because if I go out with one of them, and then after a couple dates it doesn’t work out, there’s no way I can be, “Sorry it didn’t work out between us… so… What’s your friend doing?…”

So I know I have to choose who I’m going to ask out, without really knowing anything about either of these girls. All I know is they both seem pretty great. They’re both attractive. I’m kind of into both of them. And they both seem kind of into me. #FML I know! But they’re both friends. So I have to choose one.

I sound like the absolute worst right now.

I know.

Believe me I know.

So whose number did I get?

…Neither. So instead of actually being a man and asking for someone’s number, I play the safely ambiguous game where I wasn’t really clear with my intentions. Purposely. Everything I did stayed in that vague world of could kind of be taking as I’m interested, or kind of be taken as I’m just being friendly. I and played that game. The whole night.  With both of them. And then I got their Facebook info. And went home.

I’m the worst.

I’m now friends with both of them on Facebook, oh yeah orTWITTERorTUMBLRorFRIENDSTER. But that’s been the only contact because I’m too scared to make a decision. First of all, they’re not just friends.  They’re Super-Friends.  They are all over each others Facebook pictures, and walls, and messages, and I’m a Facebook Stalker, ok? I get it. You know you do it too.

So eventually. After about a week of panic. And non-activity. And from their view, complete disappearance. And out of a strong sense of, well I gotta do something, I ask one out. Or, Two actually.  2. JESSICA2. I ask her out.

She says no.


“But let’s definitely be friends”


Three things have happened since then.

1) GUF and I have now been added to their friend circle, and we hang out with all of them JESSICA1, JESSICA2 and their whole crew, quite a bit.

2) I can tell JESSICA1 is actually really into me. But for some reason (Rubber Band Theory), I don’t really know why (Rubber Band Theory) the more I know she’s into me, the less interested I am in her (RUBBER BAND THEORY I HATE YOU)

3) and now that I know JESSICA2 is not interested in me. I WANT HER MORE THAN EVER, I hate you Rubber Band Theory.



The Rubber Band Theory.

Also, I’m the worst.


Rubber Band Theory.


2 thoughts on “Jason’s Frustratingly True Rubber Band Theory on Dating and Attraction

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