Why We Should License Parenting

or, It’s not Genocide, it’s Geno-Cider, and it’s Delicious

I’ve talked to a lot of people about this, and I’m surprised more people aren’t on board.  But I genuinely believe we should license parenting in the same way we license driving.

I mean, we make potential drivers take a class and pass a test to show they’re at least remotely competent. (It’s not a perfect system by any means, I know some people who should still not be driving.) But we do because if left to run free, a terrible driver can end up causing damage and destruction costing who knows how many thousands of dollars, and even kill people!

Should we not license parenting for these very same reasons?!?!

the result of bad parenting

I know everyone has seen that poor, innocent kid being schlupped around by some horrible excuse for a parent and thought to yourself,

“Wow, you should not have been had.”

Nothing against the kid.  It’s not his fault he’s been put in an almost guaranteed to fail situation.  And I would love to believe there’s hope for him to break out of that cycle.  And I don’t doubt that it’s possible.

That’s actually what I want to happen!

But let’s be honest.  Odds are in 10-15 years my taxes going to be paying for that kid’s 25-life.

Anyone want to take that bet?

And while we’re being honest, let’s confess- that kid’s parents probably didn’t want him either.  Which is an even worse tragedy.  Because the sentence “I’m pregnant” should always be followed “Yay, I’m so happy!” and not “Oh s#@t!”

The positive should always be positive, people.

“But how can we do that, Jason?  I mean you can’t stop people from having sex.”

I know that.

But what we can do is put something in the public water supply that sterilizes EVERYONE.  And then the people who have been approved and officially licensed as good parents, they get some little blue pill that’s the antidote.  And they get to have children.  And in a single generation the WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE.

I know right?  It’s perfect.

And I thought world peace was just a myth.

And I bet the scientists already have this magical sterilizing drug, hidden on the shelf somewhere because they discovered it by accident.

I mean you can’t tell me with all the time and money drug companies spend on getting 80-year-old men to have boners way longer than God ever intended,

She likes it from behind

that someone somewhere accidentally found something that makes people sterile.

It’s the perfect plan.  We can’t lose.

Crime goes down.

The government saves money.

We no longer have to worry about over-population.

Unemployment all but disappears.

And Viagra Scientists will finally have something they can be proud of, and they won’t be lying to themselves anymore when they say they’re contributing to society.

Join the argument by leaving a comment below!


2 thoughts on “Why We Should License Parenting

  1. This has a separate benefit for those of us who aren’t sure we want to have children, and would prefer not to talk about it… “sorry, just haven’t been able to get my license yet! Takes so much time…” or “Yeah, tried to get my license, but turns out I’m selfish and would be a bad parent! Really dodged a bullet there!”


  2. Well-written! And now that “Snooki” has confirmed she’s pregnant I REALLY agree with you. For people like her I think we should go one step further and permanently sterilize them with NO possibility of reversal.


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